Beaten & Broken
by Hitomi Shirou
Summary: When the unthinkable happens to Kiku, he must push himself to overcome it. Of course, this would be impossible without the love and care of those dear to him.


**Author Commentary:** Okay, I know I have to work on something else, but this has been inside my brain since forever, and I need to get it out. Please don't hate me for Japan abuse. I love him, I really do, but it's just so easy for me to make him suffer.

**Note:** Sunan = Thailand, Hue = Vietnam

**Characters/Pairs:** Japan, Greece, China, America, , , Germany, England

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** ANGST! LOTS AND LOTS OF ANGST! And implied sexual relationships.

**Disclaimer:** Idea for this is mine, I don't think anyone else has done it.

Yao giggled as Ivan kissed down his neck, "Iva~an. Cut it out aru. What if Hong and Mei hear aru?"

Ivan only nuzzled his nose deeper into his boyfriends neck, "Then let them. It was Yao who didn't want to go to my place, da?"

Yao rolled his eyes and tried to squirm away, "It's not my fault if Kiku wanted to go out tonight and there's no one else to watch my younger siblings aru."

"Yong-soo and Hyong-soo are old enough, da? Let them watch." Ivan said as he began unbuttoning Yao's shirt.

"I don't trust them not to get into trouble aru." Yao said, "There's only so many times you can clean spring rolls off of the ceiling aru."

"Hue then?" Ivan inquired.

"She just started her monthly cycles, so she's a little screwy at the moment aru." Yao explained.

"Hm . . . That is a problem Yao-Yao. You must be very . . . stressed." Ivan said, his voice husky.

Yao picked up the tone and smirked, "Oh, yes I am. Would you like to help me work it off aru?"

"Gladly." Ivan said, leaning back down to capture Yao's soft lips with his.

They kissed for a few minutes, growing more passionate with each passing second. Clothing quickly became an annoying obstacle and was removed.

"Oh Jao." Ivan moaned as their naked bodies pressed together.

"Mmm Ivan." Yao reciprocated, digging his nails into the Russian's strong shoulders.

Ivan groaned appreciatively and began to rock their hips together. Just as he was about to recapture the plump lips, a loud sound pierced the air.

~_Tonight, I'll be your naughty girl/I'm calling all my girls/We're gonna turn this party out/I know you want my body_~

Ivan would have giggled at the ringtone had it not interrupted his precious time with his little lover. Ivan growled and attempted to continue with his previous activities.

"Aiya, Ivan stop, let me get my phone aru." Yao said, wiggling out from under the massive form of his lover.

Ivan grumbled and sat back on the bed, pouting at the lack of attention his erection was getting. Yao rolled his eyes and picked up his phone. He glanced at the number, a pay-phone, and picked up.

"Hello?" Yao said.

For a moment, only the sound of shaky breathing was heard, then an equally shaky voice called out, "Nii-san?"

Yao felt his heart leap into his throat at the sound of his little brother's voice. Kiku rarely, if ever, let himself sound _this_ shaken. Something horrible must have happened to him.

"_Calm down, don't jump to conclusions."_ Yao thought, though he couldn't shake the feeling of dread balling in his stomach, "Kiku? Are you okay aru? Did something happen aru?"

"Um . . . I don't know. I'm not sure." Kiku said, sounding tiny and frail and frightened, "Can you please come get me Nii-chan?"

Yao started. Kiku hadn't addressed him as 'Nii-chan' since he was small. Whatever happened must have really shaken Kiku, "Alright. Where are you aru?"

"I don't know . . . I can't remember!" Kiku cried, starting to sob uncontrollably.

"It's okay. Shh, It's gonna be okay aru." Yao soothed, "Can you describe where you are for me aru?"

Kiku choked back his sobs and took a moment to compose himself, "I'm in a park." he said, "There's a path to my right and some maple trees on either side of the path. I . . . I can hear water, like a stream or river or something."

Yao nodded, even though Kiku couldn't see him, that narrowed it down to six different parks in the area, "Is there anything else Kiku aru? Anything at all?"

Kiku took a minute, "I'm in one of those old style English booths, does that help?"

Yes! There was only one park in the area that had a river, maple trees, _and_ those old English style phone booths. It was a fifteen minute drive from here, ten if you drove fast and hit green lights the entire way there, "Yes, that's perfect aru. You stay right there and don't move, okay aru? I'll be there as fast as I can aru."

Kiku hiccuped and said, "Okay."

"Do you want me to stay on the phone with you aru?" Yao asked as he shimmied into his clothing.

Kiku took a few deep breaths, "No, I'll be okay. Please hurry Nii-chan."

"Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can aru. I love you." Yao said.

Kiku was silent for a moment, before murmuring, "I love you too."

Yao steeled himself and flipped his phone shut. He turned back to Ivan, "I have to go get Kiku aru. Stay here and make sure the kids don't get into trouble aru."

"Da." Ivan said, sensing the tense air.

"I'll be back in a few minutes aru." Yao said, giving Ivan a quick kiss before dashing out of the room.

Yao snatched his keys from the counter and grabbed the first jacket his hand came in contact with. He crammed his feet into his summer slip-ons and rushed out into the night. Yao slid his arms into the jacket (which turned out to be Ivan's) as he jumped into his car. Quickly, Yao started the car and sped out of the parking lot, nearly hitting that grouchy old lady who lived next door's crappy rust bucket. Glad that no one was around to make an 'Asian driver' crack, Yao quickly drove through the streets.

It took him twelve minutes; he hit three red lights and he attempted to drive just within the speed limit. Yao parked the car and cut the engine; he made sure to lock it before rushing into the park. There were eight possible places Kiku could be, only two them close. Yao jogged off down the path, wishing he had grabbed something warmer than his summer slip-ons for the cold February night.

It took him a few minutes to find the right booth, but Yao finally spotted a small, huddled figure in the third last booth. He ran forward and ripped open the door. At the sight of his precious little brother, Yao's heart dropped from his throat and splashed into his stomach.

Kiku wasn't wearing a coat or sweater, and his clothing, which was light to begin with, was ripped and tattered, exposing pale skin to the elements. Or what was once pale skin anyway. The beautiful, smooth skin was beginning to darken with bruises and a few cuts and scratches. Yao's gaze traveled down and he was horrified to see the Kiku's jeans were nearly shredded and looked very ruffled. From where Yao was, he could see a few spots of blood at the back.

Rape.

Yao steeled himself, "Kiku." he called softly, "Kiku sweetie, I'm here aru."

Kiku looked up, his eyes and cheeks wet with tears, "Nii-chan." he said, his voice cracking, like he had been screaming.

Yao's heart clenched; he slowly reached out and wrapped his arms around his little brother. Kiku immediately clung to him and began sobbing into his shoulder. Yao rubbed his back comfortingly, murmuring soothing words in both his and Kiku's mother tongue's. Knowing that he had to get Kiku out of there and fast, Yao pulled away and helped Kiku stand. He slipped off Ivan's coat and wrapped it around Kiku's shivering shoulders. Yao then locked his arm around Kiku's shoulders and gripped his frigid hand. They slowly made their way back to the car, Yao careful of jostling Kiku's beaten and broken body.

Yao gently helped Kiku into the passenger seat of the car and ran around to the drivers side and got in. Yao quickly started the car and cranked the heat, unsure of exactly how long Kiku was out in the cold. Calmly, Yao turned to the still shivering teen beside him.

"Do you remember what happened aru?" Yao asked, keeping his voice calm.

Kiku leaned forward, his face contorted in pain. Yao patted his shoulder and urged him to try.

"I was . . . with Alfred, I definitely remember. Then . . . we got separated . . . somehow, I don't know how. And there was . . . two? No three? Yes three guys, all older. They asked me . . . asked me if I was lost. I tried to ignore them and find Alfred but . . . they stopped me, gave me a drink. I . . . I didn't want to be rude so I . . . I drank it." Kiku then began sobbing, knowing that whatever had been in that drink was part of the reason he was now hunched over in pain in his brother's car.

"It's okay aru." Yao said, rubbing small circles into Kiku's shoulder, "None of it's your fault aru. You did nothing wrong aru."

Kiku sobbed for a few minute before continuing, "Everything got fuzzy . . . I remember them . . . leading me to a house . . . or a building, either of the two. They pushed me down and . . . they . . ." Kiku trailed off and simply let the tears fall down his cheeks, "Later I got up and left. I couldn't bear to stay there a moment longer."

Yao pulled the shaking boy into his arms, "It's okay aru. We'll go to the police and they'll catch the little shits who did this to you aru."

They stayed that way for a few minutes before Yao pulled away to start the car. He drove slowly through the streets, holding Kiku's hand the entire way, though it was hard to turn corners. They reached the police station and walked inside.

"Excuse us." Yao said to the receptionist, "We'd like to report a rape aru."

After three hours of questioning, a drive to the hospital, and doctors poking and prodding where Kiku really didn't want them to, even under normal circumstances, Kiku was finally aloud to go home. The two brothers walked in to a quiet house, everyone having long gone to sleep.

"Would you like to have a shower before you go to bed aru?" Yao asked as he hung up the coat.

Kiku nodded, even though he was exhausted. He didn't say anything when Yao followed him into the bathroom, knowing that Yao was only worried for him. Kiku stepped into the shower first and stripped in there. He tossed his clothing out to Yao and cranked the water on hot.

"Don't turn it up too high aru. You'll scald yourself." Yao called through the curtain.

Kiku turned the heat down a little and simply let the water fall over him. After five minutes, he reached for the soap and began scrubbing every bit of his body he could reach.

"Would you like me to wash your back aru?" Yao asked.

"Okay." every part of him needed to be scrubbed clean. He didn't want any dirt left behind.

Yao pulled back the curtain slowly, ready to put it back in place should Kiku give any indication that he didn't want Yao to see him. Kiku was just sitting down in the tub, his back facing his older brother. There was rug rash all up his back, signaling that his attackers liked seeing Kiku's face as they ripped his insides apart. Yao poured some liquid soap into his palm and gently rubbed it into Kiku's abused skin. He attempted to be as gentle as possible, but Kiku still hissed when Yao passed over a tender spot.

"They'll catch them you know aru." Yao said, "They'll catch them and send them to prison aru."

Kiku said nothing, but leaned back into Yao's touch a little more.

After giving Kiku some rice to eat, Yao sent him to bed and retired to his own room. Ivan was sleeping soundly in their sometimes shared bed. Yao stripped his clothing and crawled in beside him, exhausted and worn out.

Instinctively, Ivan curled an arm around Yao's slender body, pulling him close. Yao sighed and snuggled into Ivan's chest. Slowly, Yao drifted off to sleep.

Three rooms down, Kiku wasn't so lucky. His whole body hurt him, and his mind refused to stop reminding him of the horrible things those men did to him. He felt gross. He had washed the dirt on his body away, but the wounds and the awful, _disgusting_ feeling of the sticky, horrible dirt _inside_ of him. It was making him sick. He needed to get rid of it.

Slowly, painfully, Kiku lifted himself up and out of bed. Bracing one hand on the wall, he walked out into the kitchen and to the medicine cabinet. Kiku felt around and pulled out a bottle of extra strength laxatives. He downed a couple, dry, and limped to the bathroom.

An hour later, Yao was woken by the sound of moaning from the bathroom. Wearily, he got up and threw a bath robe around himself and walked to the bathroom.

"Kiku?" he called knocking on the door, "Are you okay aru?"

"F-fine." came a whimper from inside.

Yao raised an eyebrow, "You don't sound fine aru. What's wrong aru?"

"J-just some st-stomach problems. I'll b-be fine." Kiku replied after a moment of groans, "Don't worry nii-chan, I'll be okay in a few minutes. Go back to bed."

Yao frowned, "Are you sure aru?"

"I'll be fine." Kiku assured through the door.

Sighing, Yao called goodnight to Kiku and returned to his bedroom. Ivan was sitting up, rubbing sleep from his eyes, making him look like a large child.

"Yao?" he said, "Did you find your brother?"

"Yeah." Yao said, flopping down on the bed.

Ivan pulled Yao into his lap and wrapped his massive arms around Yao's tiny shoulders, "How was he?"

Yao sighed and snuggled back into Ivan's chest, "He was raped aru."

Ivan tensed, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Physically, he'll heal aru. It's too early to tell how he is emotionally and mentally aru." Yao said.

"I hope that he'll be okay." Ivan said, leaning back down into the bed, tugging Yao along with him.

"Me too aru." Yao sighed, relaxing against his lover.

_Kiku whimpered as he was pushed back onto the floor, the motion making his already foggy brain swirl. He looked up at the three men over him, trying to distinguish their faces with no success. The second largest of the three smirked and crawled overtop Kiku's body._

"_Wanna have some fun with us?" he said hotly into Kiku's ear. His breath was rancid with the stench of . . . something, Kiku couldn't decipher what._

_Kiku whined and tried to wiggle away. The man laughed and pinned him down so he couldn't move away._

"_Don't go." he said, "We just want to have fun."_

_Kiku attempted to get out of the larger man's grip. The man turned to his friends, "Hey guys, don't you want have fun too?"_

_The other boys laughed and walked over to them, crawling up next to their leader. They held Kiku's arms down so the other could move. The leader smirked and began tearing Kiku's clothing away from his body. Kiku yelped and tried struggling away, but these men were bigger, and his mind was still hazy. The other two grabbed Kiku's legs and pulled them up and apart, exposing his little hole. The leader chuckled and unbuttoned his pants, exposing his erection._

_Kiku's foggy brain finally comprehended what was going on and kicked into panic mode. He thrashed in the others grip, trying desperately to get out of the python hold. Kiku managed to get one leg out and kicked the leader in the leg, very close to the now exposed member._

"_Hey!" the leader growled. He turned to the one that let go, "You want to take his place?"_

_Kiku felt the other shiver a little and grab his leg again, so tight that it hurt. He whimpered, and tried to move away as the leader kneeled down next to him and spread his thighs a little more. Kiku tried to call out, beg, plead, scream, do something but his voice was stuck in his throat. The leader smiled down at him and pushed forward._

_And Kiku's voice became unstuck._

_For hours, days, years, Kiku screamed as the three ravaged his body. Even when they filled his mouth, Kiku continued to scream. Even when Kiku's throat felt like it was going to bleed if he so much as murmured, he continued to scream. Even though he screamed, he could still hear the horrible comments whispered into his ear._

"_Your hole is so greedy, it's sucking me in. Damn, you're such a whore."_

"_Dirty little slut, you love this, don't you?"_

"_Look at the way your body's reacting, little tramp."_

"_Whore."_

"_Slut."_

"_Tramp."_

_After it was over, Kiku simply laid there for what felt like days. Moaning pitifully, Kiku lifted himself up to a sitting position. The motion sent his stomach reeling, and it was all that Kiku could do to roll onto all fours as his stomach forced whatever was in it up through his mouth. Kiku looked at the milky white substance he just vomited, and upon realizing what it was, threw up again. Kiku wiped his mouth and pushed up from the floor. He shivered, dully noting that he was still naked. Laboriously, Kiku pulled his pants and shirt on before leaving the building and stumbling into the night._

Kiku woke with a start and sharp cry. He quickly attempted to compose himself and hoped that he hadn't woken anyone else up.

"Kiku? You okay?" Yong-soo's voice called through the door.

Crud, "I-I'll be fine." he called.

There was a sudden clamor as Yao herded everyone into the dining room for a family meeting. The weren't really all family, but Yao looked after them like little brothers and sisters. The only one who was actually related to Yao was Hong, his young half brother (their mother had gotten around). Still, while living in this house, Yao was the highest power, and what he said, went.

"Okay then aru." Yao said, "I'm going to tell you about something horrible that happened to Kiku, so I want all of you to be sympathetic and respectful aru."

"Something bad happened to Kiku-nii-chan?" Mei asked, appalled that something bad could have happened to her beloved brother.

Yao nodded, then was silent for a moment, "Last night, Kiku was raped aru."

For a moment, no one moved, then the room exploded.

"What the hell!" Yong-soo shouted, slamming his hands down on the table and standing up abruptly, causing his chair to topple over, "Wasn't Alfred supposed to be with him?" he growled.

"Nii-chan!" Mei cried, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I hope the police have been informed of this." Hyong-soo growled lowly, rage bubbling underneath his skin.

"That American bastard better take responsibility for this." Hue hissed.

Sunan didn't say anything, along with Hong. They just sat in shocked silence. After a few minutes, Yao calmed them down and explained further, leaving some of the more gruesome details out for Kiku's sake. When he was finished, the rest of the family just sat in silence. At that moment, Kiku limped into the room, knowing that Yao had just finished explaining his 'condition'. He attempted to smile at them, but it came off as a tired wince. Mei got up from her seat and wrapped her arms around Kiku, who patted her back.

"I'll be fine, don't worry so much." he said, though he failed to convince his family of this.

Two days later, Yong-soo stalked the halls of his school, keeping his eyes open for a certain American bastard. Hyong-soo had told him not to do it, but this was something he had to do, for Kiku's sake. He finally spotted the little shit talking to his own twin, Matthew (who was actually pretty nice), and looking like he was having a good time. Yong-soo felt his temper get the best of him and lunged for the American, punching him square in the jaw. Alfred yelped and fell backwards. He glared up at Yong-soo.

"What the fuck was that all about?" he cried. Yong-soo had never noticed before, but he had a really annoying voice.

"That was for Kiku." he said, shaking out the sting in his hand where it had connected with the other's face.

Alfred looked confused, "I haven't heard from Kiku since three days ago. He buggered off on me."

Yong-soo growled and lifted Alfred up by his collar and dragged him into an empty classroom, ignoring the stares of the other students. He slammed the door behind him and shoved Alfred into a desk.

"Ow!" Alfred cried as his hip collided against the hard corner of the desk. He glared at Yong-soo, "Seriously, what hell's going-"

"Kiku was raped."

A long, heavy silence passed between the two, Alfred in shock and disbelief and Yong-soo in mixed somberness and rage.

Alfred straightened up, "Are you serious?" he asked quietly.

"Yes." Yong-soo said, "If you had stayed with him, it would never have happened."

Alfred felt sick. Kiku . . . he'd been hurt? Raped? But Kiku was so nice and harmless and sweet. Why would someone do that to him? If there was a list of people likely to be raped, Kiku would be last on the list. But it had happened.

And he could have been there to stop it.

"Urgh, I feel sick." Alfred said, clutching his head and stomach, "I feel so guilty."

"You should." Yong-soo said, watching Alfred moan as his stomach flipped. Compared to what Kiku must have endured, what Alfred was feeling was nothing.

Later that day, Alfred left school early due to a stomach sickness that had him kneeling on the floor and puking his guts out. His British father came to pick him up.

"You don't feel warm, and you looked fine this morning." Arthur said when Alfred was tucked away in bed, "What's this about?"

Alfred nearly didn't want to tell him, but his need to talk about it overshadowed his shame, "You know how me and Kiku went out on Friday?"

Arthur raised a brow, "Yes. What about it?"

Alfred avoided his gaze, "Well, what if Kiku got hurt, and if we had stayed together, I could have stopped it?"

"Why the bloody hell didn't you stay together in the first place?" Arthur asked.

"We got separated, okay! If I had known that . . . that . . . that Kiku would be raped, I would never have let him leave my sight!" Alfred blurted out with some difficulty.

Arthur gasped, "Raped? Kiku? In this neighborhood?"

Alfred flopped back down the bed, "That's what I thought, so I didn't think to see if he was okay, or call him, or make an effort to find him again." Alfred let out a long sigh, "I feel like such a pile of shit."

Arthur looked down at his son, feeling his heart clench for both him and the young boy who got violated in such a way he could only imagine. Arthur had once gotten so drunk that he woke up next to two other guys in bed with him. That had also been his first time, and something he regretted for a long time. But Kiku, poor thing, had known what was going on, had been conscious of it, and now the memories of it would stay with him forever. And Alfred had such a 'hero' complex that the very thought that someone had gotten hurt while he could have stopped it was devastating. Arthur sighed and laid his hand on his teenaged son's head, comfortingly running his fingers through the blond cowlicks.

"I know you must feel really guilty." he stated, "But none of it's your fault, okay? You had no way of knowing that anything would happen. These things . . . _do_ happen sometimes, and often to people who deserve it the least, though I can't think of anyone who would deserve such a thing. And we often think that it's our fault, but really, it's all just circumstantial. If it had been another boy in the same situation as Kiku found himself in, then that boy would have gotten raped instead. Or Kiku could have been in the same situation, but his attacker could have been a few minutes off and missed him. Anything could have happened, good or bad, and this time it turned out bad."

Alfred looked up at his father, "I guess I get it, but it still doesn't make me feel any better."

Arthur smiled sadly, "Figured as much, but it's something to think about at least." he said, standing up, "Now why don't we go see Kiku and try to cheer him up?"

Alfred grimaced, "I don't think Kiku'd wanna see me."

"Nonsense, you're his best friend. Who doesn't want to see their best friend after something so traumatic?" Arthur said.

After one argument, a drive to the flower shop, and a mad dash through traffic to the Wang-Honda-Im household, they knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

Yao answered the door, looking up into the faces of Alfred and Arthur Kirkland-Bonnefoy. Silently, Yao smiled sadly at them and let them in. He led Arthur into the kitchen for tea and pointed Alfred down the hall. Alfred sighed and perked up the flowers, steeling himself to face his best friend.

He knocked on the door, "Kiku? It's me, Al."

He heard a muffled 'come in' and opened the door. Kiku was lying down on his side under a thick comforter, head propped up on what looked like the softest pillow in the house. He looked as if he hadn't been sleeping or eating at all. Weak and tired.

Alfred managed a smile, "Hey Kiku, how're you doing?" he called softly, kneeling down beside the futon.

"Been better." Kiku said, his voice scratchy and hoarse. He smiled weakly up at Alfred, "Thanks for coming."

Alfred smiled likewise, "Hey you're my best friend. And what sort of hero would I be if I didn't come see my best friend in his time of need?"

Kiku shuffled under the covers and held out his hand for Alfred to take. Alfred wrapped his large hand around Kiku's smaller, bony hand. Had Kiku's hand always been so small? If not, then Kiku must be the type to lose a lot of weight really fast.

"Hey Kiku, have you been eating regularly?" Alfred asked.

Kiku nodded, "Nii-san has been making sure I eat normally."

Alfred frowned, "How come you're so skinny?"

Kiku's hand tightened in Alfred's. For a long moment, the room was silent, then Kiku said quietly, "I've been taking something."

"Taking something? For what?" Alfred asked, unsure if he liked where this was going.

Kiku pulled the comforter up over his head, but kept his hand in Alfred's, "I . . . I've been taking something to get rid of it. I have to get rid of the awful dirt they left inside me. It's so gross. I feel it all of the time, in my stomach, in my . . . it's so gross. It's infecting my insides, rotting them. I want it out." he said, his words muffled by the comforter.

Alfred gulped, "Kiku, what have you been taking?"

For a minute, Alfred thought that Kiku wasn't going to answer, then, "Laxatives. Extra strength."

Alfred felt his stomach flop again. Taking laxatives when you didn't need them led to dehydration, and that could kill someone. He squeezed Kiku's hand tightly, but not enough to hurt. Gently, so he wouldn't scare the slightly older boy, he pulled the comforter back from Kiku's body. He was wearing a turtleneck sweater and pyjama pants, leaving only a little of his body exposed.

Alfred took a deep breath, "You need to stop taking the laxatives, you'll hurt yourself."

Kiku nodded, "But I need to get it out." he said.

Alfred gently wrapped his arms around Kiku's tiny body, wincing when he felt the boy tense for a moment, and ran a hand through his silky hair, "I know, you must feel awful, I can't even imagine the hell you went through, but you have to stop taking them. They'll make you sick."

Kiku nodded into Alfred's shoulder, "How will I get it out?" he mused aloud.

Alfred pulled back and stared into Kiku's dark eyes, which were slightly wet with tears. He managed to put on his best 'hero' smile and said, "Don't worry, I'll figure something out for you. What are hero's for?"

Kiku chuckled a little, "Thank you Alfred-san."

In the kitchen, Arthur and Yao talked over mugs of steaming tea.

"So how's he doing?" Arthur asked, taking a sip of his tea.

"He's lost a lot of weight, even though I've been making him eat normally aru. He's also getting sick every night and having recurring nightmares aru. If it doesn't start getting better, I'm going to get him help aru." Yao said.

"Would you like me to help out with the payment at all?" Arthur asked, not because he felt responsible for Alfred, but because Hong was also Arthur's half brother (Yao's mother, Arthur's father), so they had a sort of 'shared family' deal.

"I'll manage aru." Yao said, even though he wasn't sure if he had enough to pay rent and buy the weeks groceries.

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked.

"Not really, but Ivan was planning on moving in, and he has a good job, so maybe he'll help out aru." Yao said.

Arthur nudged Yao with his elbow, "Hey come on, I'm family. Let me help out."

Yao rolled his eyes, "Fine fine aru. God, you're so pushy aru." he said teasingly.

Arthur chuckled. They stayed quiet for a while, each sinking in the knowledge that Kiku was going through something neither of them ever did (though Arthur had come close).

"He'll be okay." Arthur said, "He's a strong boy, he'll manage."

Yao sighed, "I hope so aru."

At that moment, Alfred walked into the kitchen. He nodded politely to Yao and his father, then began searching for something.

"Where do you keep the medicines?" he asked.

Yao quirked an eyebrow, "In the big cupboard aru. Why?"

Alfred didn't answer and went over to the cupboard and rummaged around for a minute. He came out holding a bottle of pills. He shook the bottle once, judging the amount of pills left in the bottle, then walked over to the sink and dumped the entire bottle out and turned on the water.

"Alfred!" Arthur cried, snatching away the empty bottle, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

"Kiku was taking those." Alfred said, "I had to get rid of them."

Arthur raised a brow and looked down at the label. He gasped when he saw what the pills were.

"Laxatives, extra strength?" he said in disbelief. Surely Kiku was smarter than this.

"What?!" Yao said snatching the bottle away.

"He was taking them to try and get rid of the feeling of being dirty inside. He was making himself sick." Alfred said.

Yao dropped the bottle and ran down the hall to his little brother. Arthur dragged Alfred out of the house, knowing that now would probably a good time to leave. Yao entered Kiku's room and knelt down beside his little brother's futon.

"Kiku, is it true aru? Have you been taking laxatives aru?" Yao asked.

Kiku said nothing and only nodded. Yao cursed in Chinese and pulled Kiku into his arms.

"I'm sorry aru. I should have noticed aru. I'm so stupid aru." Yao said, petting Kiku's silky raven locks.

Kiku hugged Yao back, letting Yao get everything out of his system, "It was my choice to take the pills, nii-chan. You aren't at fault."

The two of them stayed that way for a long moment, comforting one another. Yao shifted them around so Kiku was resting his head on his lap. Kiku simply relaxed as his older brother continued to run his slender fingers through his hair. Several times, Kiku was close to asking Yao a rather embarrassing question, but he chickened out at the last second.

Finally, he blurted it out, "How does it feel for you when you're with Braginski-san?"

"Hm?" Yao tilted his head, not understanding the question.

Kiku blushed, "When you . . . with your boyfriend . . . how does it feel?"

Yao raised his eyebrow, "I'm not sure what you're asking aru."

Kiku's blush deepened. He really didn't want to say it out loud, "When you . . . consummate."

"Oh! Oooh. _Oh_ . . . Well, uh . . . It feels good aru." Yao said, slightly awkward.

"Does it . . . hurt?"

Yao started, _"Ah, so that's what it's about."_ he thought, "A little in the beginning, but it's mostly pleasurable aru."

Kiku shifted, "I don't see _how_ something like that could be pleasurable at all."

Yao smiled a little, "You'll see one day, when you're with someone special aru."

They were silent for another moment before Kiku piped up again, "It just . . . it feels so gross, the aftermath I mean. It feels like it's rotting my insides." he looked up at Yao, "Did it ever feel that way for you?"

"No, I got lucky aru." Yao said, "But you aren't rotting aru. You're so much stronger than they are, what they left behind aru. You will overcome it, and come out stronger than ever aru."

Kiku said nothing, but snuggled deeper into Yao's lap.

The next day, Kiku's two other friends, Ludwig and Feliciano came to see him.

"Waaah! Poor Kiku!" Feliciano wailed, launching himself at the small Asian, "You must have been so scared!"

"Feliciano!" Ludwig yelled, "Get off! Kiku might not want to be touched right now, respect his boundaries."

"It's alright Ludwig-san. It's sort of feels nice to be held." Kiku said, patting Feliciano on the back, "And I really was scared." he said quietly.

The trio was quiet for a moment, then Kiku invited them inside, which the two gladly accepting. Feliciano offered to make Kiku pasta, much to Ludwig's exasperation, but Kiku politely put him down, explaining that they didn't have the ingredients for pasta in the house.

"Ve~ I'll just have to bring some over later. Would that be okay?" Feliciano asked.

Kiku sighed, "Hai, that would be fine Feliciano-tan."

They sat down in the living room, ignoring Hyong-soo reading on the couch and Sunan watching TV (it was hard to find a unoccupied room in this house). Ludwig, of course, got straight to the point.

"Do you have any idea who did it?" he asked.

Kiku shook his head, "No, they were strangers."

"Are you going to be okay?" Feliciano asked.

"I . . . I'm healing." Kiku said, "Or at least, I hope I'm healing."

"You'll work it out brother." Hyong-soo said, not looking up from his book.

"I have faith in you." Sunan said, turning and smiling at his elder brother.

"Thank you Hyong-soo, Sunan."

"No problem."

"Think nothing of it."

The three friends continued to talk (occasionally interjected by a member of Kiku's family) and discuss what Kiku was going to do.

"Are you thinking of going into therapy sessions?" Ludwig asked.

"That would probably be best, but we're a little tight on money right now." Kiku explained, "And I think I'm doing fine on my own. I'm already up and around."

"Ve~ You should remember to take it easy though. Your body needs to heal too." Feliciano said.

Kiku smiled at his friends, "Yes, thank you Feliciano."

The next week, when Kiku returned to school, Alfred, Feliciano, and Ludwig stuck to Kiku like glue. Both Alfred and Ludwig acted as body guards, along with Yong-soo, and Feliciano acted as a sort of moral support. Throughout the day, Kiku wasn't alone for more than a few moments. Yong-soo walked with him to school, Ludwig was with him in class, Alfred followed him through the halls, and Feliciano got lunch with him. In any other situation, Kiku would have found it annoying, but at the moment, he was grateful. The entire day he was tense, looking over his shoulder at shadows that didn't exist, jumping when people touched him, and hearing whispered words from phantom voices.

_Whore_

_Slut_

_Tramp_

After three weeks of a similar routine, Kiku decided that he needed to take a break from his overprotective friends and escaped to the roof. Only Ludwig knew where he was and agreed to leave him alone for a while. Kiku sighed and opened the door, hoping to find some quiet for at least a little while.

"Shouldn't you be in class?"

Kiku nearly leapt back and fell down the stairs. He looked up to see a young teen lounging in a sunny spot on the roof. He was tall, around Alfred's height, but slightly slimmer. He had piercing green eyes, which watched him lazily, but with interest. He had messy, curly brown hair, and was rather handsome. Kiku mentally shook himself of such thoughts and regained his composure.

"I could say the same for you." he said, mentally checking that he could run through the door faster than the stranger could reach him.

"Fell asleep at break, and when I woke up it was almost lunch, so I decided to stay here, then I fell asleep again, so now that they day is nearly over, I'm just going to stay here." the teen said, stretching and yawning, much like a cat, "So what about you?"

Kiku fidgeted, "I needed a break."

"From class?"

Kiku shook his head, "From my friends."

"Why?"

"They're being a little overbearing. So I left class."

"The teacher let you?"

"They've been informed of my situation."

"Situation?"

" . . . . ."

"Don't want to talk about it?"

"Not to a stranger, sorry."

"No need to apologize, I understand."

"Right, I'm sorry."

" . . . . ."

" . . . . ."

"My name's Heracles Karpusi, what's yours?"

" . . . Kiku Honda."

"Nice to meet you Kiku."

"Same to you Karpusi-san."

"So you _are _Japanese."

"Yes."

"I'm actually supposed to be in my Japanese Language class right now."

Kiku raised an eyebrow, "You take Japanese?"

Heracles nodded, "It's a very nice language. The phonetics are pretty basic, so is the katakana and hiragana, but the kanji is pretty complex. Ah, but I do mix up some of the words and grammar."

Cautiously, Kiku walked over to Heracles and sat a small distance from him, "Japanese is my native language, so maybe I could help?"

Heracles smiled a lazy smile at him, "That'd be nice. Thanks."

So, every lunch hour, Kiku would retreat to the roof to tutor Heracles on his Japanese. Though Kiku didn't reveal his secret to Heracles, and shared little about himself, he learned plenty about Heracles within a week. He lived with his mother, his half brother, and his half brother's mother, all of whom he got along with. He and his mother were Greek, and liked to get back to their roots (mostly by participating in old rituals and other sorts of Greek things, which all seemed to involve nudity, for some strange reason). His half brother and his mother were Egyptian, and they followed a similar tradition to the Karpusi's. Though Heracles seemed lazy and unmotivated, he really did put his best into everything he did. He loved philosophy and history, and enjoyed Greek and Roman mythology. Kiku found himself relaxing around the laid back Greek, almost forgetting about his dark secret and rotting insides. Likewise, Heracles found himself liking Kiku easily. They shared similar interests in things, and both enjoyed learning new things, especially about one another's native countries.

"So what's your big secret?" Heracles asked one day after about a month after they met, "I'll understand if you still don't want to tell me, but I'm just curious."

Kiku fidgeted nervously. Did he want to tell Heracles that his body had been ravaged by three strangers while he had only laid there and screamed? He seemed like the type to be sympathetic, but one should never judge a book by it's cover.

"I'm not ready, sorry." Kiku said finally, lowering his head a little.

Heracles lightly touched his shoulder, "Don't be, you can tell me when you're ready. Or not at all if you want."

Kiku smiled at Heracles, "Thank you, Heracles-san."

After three months of knowing each other, Heracles and Kiku finally started hanging out outside of school hours. At first it was only small outings, then larger outings, then invites over to one another's homes, then finally invites to spend the night.

"I hope you don't mind futon's." Kiku said as he laid out an extra futon next to his, "But we don't have any guest rooms."

"It's fine." Heracles said, "Are you okay with it? I can sleep in the living room. I can sleep anywhere really."

"I'll be fine." Kiku said, finishing putting the bed together, "Would you like me to leave the room while you change?"

"Only if you want to, I don't really care." Heracles drawled, taking off his shirt.

Kiku would have left the room, but the sight of Heracles's naked chest was having mixed effects on him. On one hand, Heracles was _very_ good looking under his clothing, but on the other, Kiku couldn't help but remember the naked chests of his three attackers, and the way they moved above him. The dual imagery made Kiku's head spin, and he found himself sitting down on his futon, head in his hands.

"Kiku? You okay?" Heracles asked, kneeling down beside the smaller boy. He reached out a comforting hand to lightly touch Kiku, like he had many times before.

For a moment, Kiku's brain went back to that night, so long ago, and he slapped away Heracles's hand, leaving a stinging red mark across the back. Heracles flinched and brought his hand back, shocked by Kiku's behavior. Kiku immediately felt ashamed of himself. Heracles had been reaching out to help, and Kiku only struck him as thanks. He flushed and looked away.

"Sorry." he said.

Heracles stared, "It's okay. You gonna be alright?"

Kiku nodded, "I'll be okay in a minute."

That night, Kiku had another nightmare. They'd stopped a while ago, that'd had been one of the reasons that Kiku had allowed Heracles to spend the night. But this one was even worse than the previous nightmares. It was basically the same content as the other one he had, but this one was so much worse, if only for one reason.

It was Heracles who was ripping his body apart.

"AAH!" Kiku screamed, bolting up in bed. He sat there, shaking, for a moment before movement out of the corner of his eye caused him to flinch.

"Kiku?" Heracles said, sitting up, "What's wrong?"

Kiku watched Heracles sit up in the dark, shaking lightly. Heracles reached out for him and touched his cheek.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

Was he crying? Kiku felt the familiar sting in his eyes and began to sob. Heracles gently pulled Kiku into his arms, stroking his hair comfortingly and letting Kiku wet his shirt with tears. He murmured soothing Greek works into Kiku's ear, even though Kiku couldn't understand it at all. After fifteen minutes, Kiku composed himself and pulled away, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. He looked sheepishly away from the man who had never brought him harm, but his brain had still subjected to slander.

"I'm sorry Heracles-san." he said, "It was just a nightmare. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I'll just go sleep out on the couch." he said, standing and walking shakily to the door.

Heracles grabbed his hand and tugged him back. In a moment of unbalancedness, Kiku ended up sitting in Heracles's lap, back pressed against his muscular chest.

"I'd never hurt you." Heracles said, circling his arms around Kiku's waist, "I'd never let anyone hurt you."

Kiku felt himself relax in Heracles's arms, "I know. Thank you."

Heracles put his nose to Kiku's raven hair and inhaled deeply, taking in his scent. He pulled Kiku closer to himself, nuzzling the top of his head. It was now or never.

"S'agapo, I love you Kiku." he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Kiku tensed in Heracles's arms. He loved him? But . . . his body was . . . it was gross. Then again, Heracles didn't know about that. Would he turn away if he knew? Kiku didn't want Heracles to be with him if he loved what he only thought Kiku was, but it was humiliating and embarrassing to admit something like that, especially to the person who just confessed his love for you. But Heracles, of all people, deserved to know.

"Heracles." Kiku said, swallowing (his mouth was suddenly dry), "A-about my secret. I . . . I."

"It's okay, take your time." Heracles said.

Kiku took a deep breath, "I was . . . r-raped."

Heracles stiffened. That was what had Kiku frightened like a newborn kitten? Someone had done such a horrible thing to such a wonderful person? Heracles growled deep in his throat.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you like that ever again." he whispered into Kiku's delicate ear, "And if I ever find the little shit who did it to you, I'll rip his kidneys out and feed them to him."

Kiku turned and looked up at the Grecian, "Do you find my body gross?" he asked.

Heracles tilted his head, "Why would I?"

"It's all rotten inside. They . . . infected it." Kiku said.

Heracles adjusted Kiku in his lap, "Do you want it to be rotten? Did you want that man to tear your body apart?"

Kiku shook his head frantically, "Never."

Heracles smiled down at him, "Then you aren't dirty at all. You're perfectly fine. That man is the dirty, rotten, absolutely _disgusting_ one. Anyone who forces themselves upon an unwilling partner is nothing but a scum sucking, bottom feeding, pile of shit."

Kiku smiled lightly and wrapped his arms around Heracles's neck, "Thank you, Heracles. Aishiteru, I love you."

Heracles smiled and squeezed Kiku tighter, "You're welcome, and thank you."

**Author Commentary;** This would have been finished _days_ ago, but I fell and broke my arm, so I've been doing everything with my non-dominant hand. And it's going to stay that way for another five weeks. OAO NOOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A LEFTY!!! (sorry to all you lefties out there, you guys rock (and it really hurts A)) Anyway, things will be slow for while. Oh, and try to ignore any mistakes made in this story, using only your non-dominant hand to write is a little challenging.

On a side note, I'm now taking a German language class. Should prove interesting.


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